After a Tired Day, My Softer Spirit Emerges

Softly whispering into the phone, it does not take a 10 year old to guess that he is talking to his 5-year old son who has not seen him back home the whole day even until midnight. Inadvertently to complete my project, he stayed with me throughout the night to trash all open issues. He is calm and collected even in the midst of various distractions from his staff and pressure from the top. So, working way past midnight and seeing him giggling into the phone makes me think that if I had a child, would my eyes light up when I hear him/her call my name? Would my heart soften when I hear him/her asking why I am not home yet? Would my mood turn to relieve when I see the sight of him/her sleeping soundly in the comfort of his own plush bed?

I know it would. As how other mothers feel. I remember how one of the Head of my department told me that despite his hectic and demanding schedule, at the end of the day, he is just glad that he has a happy and tender face of his innocent child to go home to. It makes all the difference.

I do envy them but I also know that those days will not come so soon for me, not now in my current condition. It's weird how I am now getting everything I always wanted and I am more clear about where I want to go and achieve. In some ambitious ways, I am glad I do not have a child to tie me down until I have sufficient to give him/her all the comforts of life. I have no obligations or guilt thus allowing me to stay back at work whenever I want, allowing me to learn more but maybe live less. Nowadays, I do not envy those who go back early as I really enjoy what I am doing. People say that everything comes with a sacrifice but to me there is a time and place for everything. So my time now is for opportunities of sorts but not in the family or relationship kind. Maybe one day I will be like him, talking gently and happily into the phone to my kid before he/she goes to sleep while I continue fighting the war of life. Someday....