Shhh! Secret Life of a Princess

Random, provoking thoughts from a self-confessed princess :: with focus on motivational learnings from the media. I hope to inspire everyone to be the best they can be

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Gotta Find You

For years I have lived with being content, to use my head to fall in love, telling myself that if someone treats me right and well, he will be the one for me. And I need to be secured and stable in the relationship knowing that the guy I am with is the reliable one. However, I forgot that sometimes it is nice, extremely fantastic if I can just 'FALL'.

To be the one who wants to do things for the other guy, to wonder where he is whenever he is not with me. To miss him the moment he is not around. To have my heart beat harder every moment I see him. To wonder if he will always find me attractive. To do foolish things for him like learning how to cook even though the food gets burnt the moment I start, to make silly love cards for him until the wee hours in the morning. To scribble his name on my book unconsciously when I am daydreaming. To drive far and near to see him even though I have not called and not knowing if he is free. To want to know so much about his past and to purposely tell myself to not let it affect me. To have butterflies in my stomach and to have my heart flutter with any sweet words from him. To sing happy songs unconsciously as I am continuously in a happy mode.

He is the voice inside my head, the reason I am singing. I gotta find him. For once, I want to 'FALL'. And when I do, please be happy that I do.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

My Top 3 Hottest Orient Chicks (For Now)

I can't help but post photos of these pretty Orient actresses before everyone forgets of their existence. After acting in 200 Pounds Beauty, how can someone forget the luminious and angelic beauty of the sultry singer who went through plastic surgery in order to become famous? The character was played with Kim Ah Joong.

Also, after watching Deadly Delicious played by Francis Ng about the story of a married men who fiddles with a stewardess only to be poisoned by his wife through the food cooked by the his love affair. The stewardess played by "Jiang Ji Yian" was rather cute but she is gorgeous in these photoshoots.

Last but not least, one model-cum-actress in Singapore caught my attention for her sexy sultry looks complemented by her long limbs and leggy build - Sheila Sim. Reminds me of Malaysia's Amber Chia.

What I've Done?

I never set out on a relationship with the intention to hurt anyone. I treat everyone equal regardless of age, religion and even gender. So much so that I was naive enough to think that I could take males as my 'friends' and I actually trusted them when they said they treat me only as friends. Imagine the horror when I was asked the inevitable question "So, the last time we said we will be friends. And after so long we are still friends...." and I know where this conversation is going to. The problem is I never wanted it to evolve into anything more than friends! For me, it was friends, full stop! I didn't know it was a coma or dot dot dot for the other party. And when someone said something like that, I knew that the friendship would end.

I also befriended someone who I thought could be a very close friend of mine, so much so that I asked him out for dinners, to friends' outings and when he sends me back, I was naive enough to think that he was just doing it merely as friends. I didnt know there was something I need to return for the favors.

I am fortunate to always be the one to dump or leave someone. I have left guys in the lurch in the most horrendous ways. They say "You have to be cruel to be kind" right? I do admit that sometimes I do lead them on, unconsciously. So when the actions they take shows that they are pursuing me, I have to take drastic measures. Have you threw someone's large bouquet of roses into the drain before? Have you threw someone chocolates into then dustbin right in front of his face?

With all these in my past, I didn't realise the immensity of the hurt and grief I could cause to some people I thought I loved. And recently, my actions led to such immense grief and torture to the other party that I myself could not believe how much I have done to him unconsciously. I have sinned without knowing it. After the breakups, I do put myself into their shoes and feel their torment but it will never be as bad as experiencing it on your own. I am sorry to those I have hurt as I didn't know I could hurt anyone so bad from actions that I thought was to make the other party happy. Instead I cause so much torments.

With this, I read this book about a quest for retribution, about how bad can become good again. It is called 'The Kite Runner'. I do know that everyone sins in their own way and there will be no way we can remove our sins. Trust me, it is not as simple as praying in the room every night and all your sins will be taken away. I do regret some actions I took but what's done done and all I can do is do whatever good that I can to make the bad feels better. Reason why I continue donating and contributing as much as possible to the needy and find peace within myself. I now know that if I do not do anything wrong, I will be at peace with myself. And that is what I am set at doing now. And it really helps to have friends next to you while you are at it. :)